According to personality tests, I am a dreamy idealist whose head is typically in the clouds. I see opportunity and inspiration everywhere and am driven by abundant creativity and feeling. Yet, your greatest strength is often your greatest weakness, and my heart has seen so much conviction on this, that I can fully attest to the truth of that statement.
With a mind that wanders so much into the ideal, I am so fixated on the future, that I forget to be content in the present. When I allow myself to become far-sighted, my vision of God’s purpose for my life becomes blurred. I have encountered the glory of God, and have experienced His relentless love, yet I find my hands are clenched so tightly around what I want my life to look like. In Mark 9:24, a boy, possessed by a demon, was brought by his father to Jesus, so that he may be healed. The father entreats Jesus saying, “`If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us. And Jesus said to him, ‘If you can! All things are possible for one who believes.’ Immediately the father of the child cried out and said ‘I believe; help my unbelief!’”
Those words uttered by the father resonate in my soul. I know God is good. I truly desire to live a life of following after my Savior who gives me grace, mercy and hope abundantly. But, my heart and mind often get the best of me, convincing me that my desires and aspirations will produce a fulfilling and ideal life. When I rely on my own dreams for my life, my decisions are based on feelings and emotions. Rather than prayerfully considering everything and waiting on the Lord’s direction, it is easy to jump onto a path that is still a good thing and doesn’t necessarily contradict God’s Word, and expect God’s blessing and guidance in the path I’ve derived for myself. God, being God, still works in my deviations, with more lessons being produced than blessings. Yet, because I have striven for a life of meaning and forget to see the meaning in the life I have now, my strivings have only produced frustration and weariness.
Then it hit me, quite hard. Psalm 31:5 says, “Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God.” This passage seemed familiar to me. In Luke 23:46, as the Savior of the world hung on the cross, as the veil was torn in two, Jesus called out, “Father, into Your hands I commit my Spirit!”After all Jesus has redeemed me from, after all of His faithfulness to me, how can I not open my clenched hands and commit all of my spirit into His hands?” My life is made extraordinary and ideal because the veil is torn, I have access to the Father, freedom from the weight of sin, and hope for something beyond the mortal. Why is that not a good enough reason for me to let go? Because, God’s ways are almost never the easiest, and the flesh craves the comfortable. We are in a constant battle between our flesh and the things of God, struggling to give up our finite control to His infinite and eternal picture. Thankfully, there is hope. Thankfully, God is more interested in progress than perfection, no matter how slow that progress is.
Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Little by little, as I desire to walk in His will and not in my own will, I will have the strength to unclench my hands. I will have the strength to trust that His vision for my life is far greater and sweeter than anything I could’ve dreamt up for myself. I can still be my dreamer self, but I can fix my eyes on the eternal, using it as a catalyst for obedience in the present. Rather than exhaust myself in pursuing, I can be still and know that He is God. I can let my strivings cease.
Forever and Always,
Emily
Emily Ann Dodson 